The People here want me to watch the Olympics with them every night. I do this gladly. Mainly to stay abreast of current events. But I must say that I am tired of hearing the media talking about all the Olympic debacles and scandals this year... McSwimmin, McGymin/McLiuken, McUnderageChineseGirls, McKobe, McSo-called-ugly-girl-singing-for-pretty-girl, blah blah blah. It's just McStupid. I can clear this up in two shakes of a lamb's tail. The US should win all the gold and China is crooked. If there are any other countries participating in the Olympics I just haven't noticed them. 'Nuff said.
Everyone goes on and on about the golden boys and girls of the Olympics. You know, the athletes that do amazing and glorifiable things like basketball, swimming, gymnastics and running. But what about the unsung heros of the Olympics. The underdogs of the sportsmen arena. The strangely compelling and yet revolting to watch at the same time kind of athletes. That's right. I'm talking about the fast-as-a-bat-out-of-hell speed walkers. How come no one ever blogs about their great feats. Perhaps it's because the TV people selected the speed walking portion of the Olympic coverage for late, late night viewers because viewage is probably below non-existent.
Why is that? These guys train hard. They know when they need a drink of water, a banana or power gel (as one sports commentator put it). There are so many complications and nuances of the sport. You can get tapped for going too fast. Maybe even disqualified for going too slow. I don't know about that but it sounds good. Race walking (official name) is like the Survivor of the Olympics. I was watching when 2 guys got kicked off the track. That's drama. These guys have the coolest race track ever. They get to go through misting machines for cooling down purposes (not for sex appeal... I know what you were thinking). They also grab bananas, water bottles and wet sponges from tables lining the track. When done with said banana , water bottle or sponge they throw them at the audience. That keeps it interesting.
Everyone is talking about the beach volleyball outfits (which I wholeheartedly agree are retarded) but if you're lucky you can catch a speed walker in sexy hotpants and a midriff baring sports top. Ooo la la, so Franch! Can someone tell me if the IOC regulates these outfits too? I heard the conspiracy theory about the beach volleyball players' attire and thought perhaps the same terms and conditions applied for the speed walkers. The IOC knows we all want to see a little abs and thigh whenever possible. Beach volleyball players have to worry about a nipple slip; speed walkers have to deal with jockey short chaffing and extreme bum wedgies. (Yet another reason why I don't do pants.) Now here is a man with a super wedgie. Ouch!
The IOC is so ridiculous. I'm waiting for the day they require all athletes to do their sport in a bright red hat (because they should look fancy) or with lopsided fake boobs attached to their shirts (because the Olympics can't get dirty enough apparently).
I think it's time we take a little pride in the men that look like women. I mean, women walking in high heels. It must be hard participating in a sport that everyone laughs at. Which brings to mind... Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller have made fun of Dodgeball and Will Ferrell has made fun of NASCAR, children's soccer and men's pair figure skating, so when will the race walking movie come out? Could be good. Maybe.
As a tribute to these brave souls with gyrating hips I have created a special must-see video. I just love, love, love the little men in little pants.
BTW, I heard they are doing away with softball and baseball. I'm glad to hear it. This will make room for Tic-Tac-Toe and Badge-A-Minute. Two sports I truly love that never get any air time.
4 comments:
Last night as we were watching our tivoed Olympics, the speed walking came on. I said to my husband, "this should not be an Olympic sport." I think it is silly. My husband thinks it would be really bad on your body to walk like that and cause severe hip problems. then I say, "everyone should speed walk, then orthopedic surgeons would have more patients putting more money in our pocket one day!" Go speed walking.
Riley you are so intellectual! I've never seen the speed walking but now I want to. Mix those outfits with the beach volleyball outfits and you've got yourself a sport.
Riley, there is no limit to your boundless wisdom.
Maybe pug-walking could be an Olympic sport? Everyone would watch that.
Laura, I agree with you on the speed walking "sport". It's kind of pointless like Olympic table tennis... did you see that? Ben is an orthopedic surgeon? (Jake doesn't tell me these things... sometimes he forgets I'm my own individual and not just a dog. I think the dog body throws him off.) Go Ben! Let it be known Riley now backs speed walking 100% for its high potential of foot related accidents.
Maren, sometimes I wonder if the IOC is slowly going back to the original outfits worn by the athletes in the very first Olympics. Next thing you know there will be a bunch of nudies running around and having a few laughs every 4 years.
Traci, It is true I am full of boundless wisdom but it comes from your side of the family. You taught me well. Pug-walking the Olympic sport... I am so there! And I'm doing it as a nudie... no beach volleyball g-strings and bra tops for me!
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