Here's a blog entry about nothing. It's all I got. I haven't gone anywhere. I haven't done anything. Apparently I'm just getting fat! I'm thickening up around the midsection. I'm turning into a watermelon on sticks. I'm starting to resemble my half brother, Loki. This is Loki -- the dog with the glandular problem.
However, this has presented me with extra time on my paws to work on my diabolical plot for pug world domination and time to expound on my radical idealogy. Because I'm laid up I get to watch a lot of daytime TV. Lots. I realized there is someone else with similar aspirations for world domination... Oprah. I have decided to pattern myself after Oprah. That's my plan. It's a good plan. To kick this off, I think the place to start would be my books-of-the-month recommendations. Here are my current reads to bone up on pug pregnancy. I feel they can benefit everyone... SO inspiring. You will be touched!
When I first saw "The Complete Book of Dog Breeding" in the local bookshop I thought it was a horror story. Look at the mauling of that poor Dalmation.
The "Tao of Pugs" dog had me at the Yin Yang outfit.
"Can You Get This Pug Out Of My Coffee" just scares me senseless. And I totally agree pugs saved civilization. I know it and Susanne McCaffery-Saville knows it.
Gotta love the Bruce!
I'm thinking if there was anything else I needed to say. Oh, yeah. So you're all invited to my puppy shower. I don't know what it will be like but I know there will be food. As the details come together I will release more information on my blog. Just to let you know in advance... I am registering at several places (I'll let you know exactly where by sending several paper notices with my invitations and I will have to request gift receipts because frankly I don't trust you to pick out what I want.) I guess I'm the only one that's not ashamed of looking tacky for the sake of a decent present. Yep, that's right. I'm a gift ho!
On a side note, I was at Jake's party (OK, maybe I was a little late to Jake's party) but someone wasn't there who was supposed to be there, Aunt Maren. Come to find out, you came all the way to God's country from Hell (Las Vegas) and you didn't even stop by?! I understand you had time for your internet mistress... but what about your niece pug?! I don't know... I guess all I can say is you are going to have to come up with one helluva puppy shower present or lots of Old Navy dog clothes for me to rectify this. (As a policy matter, I generally don't curse but I do believe in selective cursing and I will use it when damn necessary.)
BTW, did someone cheat on the Celebrity Doggie Deathmatch poll? How did I not win this?! What happened to my handlers?! See if I do another poll on my blog! Okay, I will. Here's a poll I know I'll win.
Who would you rather hang out with? Riley the most amazing pug ever made or annoying small booger pickin' children? You decide. Sean Puffy Diddley Diddy would want you to vote. Your vote counts. This poll could change America as we know it. No more celebrities flying coach. Now that's my vision of America.
Keep in mind my mom is a bikini lawyer. My legal advice to you is not to vote for small booger pickin' children. I pity the fool!
But I was right about Daisy Simpson. Apparently everyone thinks she let herself go. I will say I am happy for Tinkerbell because she is a Chi Chi and my best bloggin friend is a Chi Chi.
On another side note, my big surprise that I was planning to put up on my blog last week didn't happen. Maybe next week... it's a bit more time consuming than I had anticipated. There's so many conflicting schedules to juggle. You'll see what I mean.
And finally, a big shout out to my new bloggin buddy Kristina who may be in the market for a English Bulldog in the near future. I would totally be his/her friend. English Bulldogs are a superior breed... right up there with Pugs and Chi Chis. Right on! You have now been officially inducted into Riley's Bloggin Posse of Fame!
8 comments:
Thanks for the warm blog welcome, Riles! I would love to come to a doggy shower. Can I be dogless or be Amanda's lover for the day and adopt Lulu?
Oh, and I forgot to mention that Adam's second choice for a dog is a pug. But is there any question?
Excellent post, dear Puggers. I will definitely check out your books for my next book club choice. I've narrowed it down to "The Ugly Pugling" and "Pug Therapy" - I'll let you know.
And believe me, Aunt Maren loves you. I was with her for a great deal of the day on Saturday and she talked about you non-stop. She's had a lot of people to deal with - and her own newest adoption, you know.
Oh, and I *might* have been the one who voted for the chi-chis twice. And Lulu *might* have voted for them once :)
And P.S. Poor Loki!
At first when I saw the picture of Loki, I thought it was you, and I was like, you ARE getting fat!
Isn't it so fun?
(The Ugly Pugling is my book of choice, thanks for the vast selection of pug materials from which to choose.)
And also, I apparently didn't do a very good job of raising you not to be a gift ho. We're going to need to have a talk when you get back.
Kristina, you can totally come to my puppy shower. Dogless people are always welcome in my presence. But if you wanted to be Amanda's lover for the day and bring Lulu that's cool too. Tell Adam he rocks. I'll work on him to make pugs his first choice!
Amanda, you are great. Your book club will be amazed at your endless knowledge of pug issues. I'm impressed. You will not be able to put "The Ugly Pugling" down - it's a page turner! Aunt Maren knows I love her. I just like to tease her sometimes. It's all good with the polls... I "might" have voted for myself more than once too. Thanks for your Loki concern. Actually he's lost some weight since this photo was taken. I used this pic because he was at his biggest and I'm dramatic.
Bikini Lawyer Mom, don't be silly. Of course, I'm not a gift ho. Of course, you taught me to be the best. That whole paragraph was fake... Jen made me do it! I knew you wouldn't like it but she thought it would be funny. She was so wrong about that. See if I listen to her again for blog ideas.
I think Loki looks cute in that picture. I say the fatter the pug the more to love! You should post some pictures of how you are doing in your pregnancy as of late. I'd like to see how fat you really are.
By the way I am sorry I didn't get to see you last weekend. I told Traci to move Fatt Jake's party up from 5:00 to 1:00 or 3:00 so I could make it, but she wouldn't listen to me. She never listens to me.
Riley, I just thought you'd like to know that your blog is fast becoming one of my favorites! Keep up the good work.
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